Free Root Canal with Every Pint

I can think of lots of places I’d rather be ON ANY DAY OF THE WEEK than sat in a dentist’s chair, but that’s exactly where I found myself this weekend.

January is a dreary month for many of us in this trade and it’s safe to say that I’m looking forward seeing the back of it, getting in to February, and moving on with 2012.

There’s plenty for us to focus on in the coming month, not least of which the Six Nations Rugby will hopefully get the month off to a good start.

I’m looking forward to the Scotland v England match on Saturday afternoon as the tournament always brings a strong trade in for us, and February is full of opportunity to build a little on business with Valentine’s Day, Pancake Day and any excuse we can think up for a party on February 29th.

But, for me, January has also been about a lot of toothache which has already resulted in a couple of visits to the dentist and one more to come.

Annoyingly, though, each time I sit down in the chair they have a broggle around in my gob and proclaim that there’s nothing seriously wrong with my teeth.

Which will be why, then, I woke up at 4am on Saturday morning in pain and tears and announced to my wife that I needed emergency surgery there and then.

I will admit I am a cry-baby when it comes to dental work, but what followed was eight hours of watching Wheeler Dealers on the Discovery Turbo channel followed by a trip to Bury St Edmunds, where I came face-to-face with a Transit van and a dentist’s chair in the back of it.

It doesn’t matter how pretty or calming a dentist might be, whenever I climb in to the chair all I can see is Robert Lindsay leaning over me but, as she pushed her fist in to my mouth, the mobile dentist suggested I try to think about something nice.

Now, it’s not easy to think about Jennifer Aniston when you’re prostrate in the back of a van with somebody’s hand in your mouth, so I started thinking about business opportunities instead and, in between needles, drills, sprays and mouthwashes the dentist struck up a conversation with me about how they might lose this particular venue to take their van to each week so I suggested, through the wadding in my cheek, they find a pub car park to set up in.

And actually, perhaps it’s not as mad an idea as it first sounded. We’re constantly looking for new ways to ingratiate ourselves in the community.

Pubs have become hubs for parcel deliveries, newspaper collections, village shops and I know of at least one pub that lets a fish & chip van rock up in his car park every Friday. So why not let a mobile dentist set up shop there at the weekend too?

Perhaps I’m still under the effects of the anaesthetic (actually, I’m not, because as soon as it wore off the blooming pain came flooding back) but everybody who had brought a friend or partner to be seen by the emergency dentist had to sit in a slightly cold waiting room with no tea or coffee facilities and only a copy of Country Life magazine from 1994 to keep them entertained.

At least a van in a pub car park would give the attending family somewhere warm to sit, chat and enjoy a glass of Coke…

NB – as tongue-in-cheek as some people might think I’m being, I would just like to say thank you to the mobile team of Suffolk Dental Care who, despite being located in the back of a Ford Transit, were not as scary as they could have appeared and were extremely attentive to my problem.