Innuendo: it’s the bedrock of beer
No, me neither.
Unfortunately, however, Stiffy’s vodka products are being forced to rebrand following a ruling by the Portman Group that deemed the product might lead customers to think it will give them unparalleled sexual success.
Now, I might be slowly approaching the age where rampant morning glory is giving way to a desperate urge to run to the bathroom for a pee first thing, but even in my deepest depths of inebriation I’ve never thought that drinking alcohol was going to make me perform like Ron Jeremy.
Certainly, alcohol lowers our inhibitions to a level where we become brave enough to approach members of the opposite sex but, to be fair, if I were in a bar and spotted a lass I wanted to chat up the only thing that would encourage me, as a diehard testosterone-fuelled bloke, to turn to a Jaffa Cake flavoured vodka shot product for courage would be if it had a “certified by Viagra” logo on the label.
The manufacturer’s have, understandably, defended the branding of their product by denying there was any sexual connotation intended (although, let’s be fair, somebody somewhere must have looked it and sniggered) but instead claim it was named after the handle of the chap involved in the development of the product.
The mind boggles as to how this poor fellow must have got his nickname, but I like to think that it’s because he would complain that the front door to the office was too stiff first thing in the morning.
I don’t condone irresponsible sales tactics and, understandably, we are in an industry which carries a whole heap of responsibility on how we market our business but, and it’s probably terribly un-PC of me to say, in much the same way as people love those smutty postcards you can pick up from Great Yarmouth pier, I still enjoy pump clips that offer me a pint of Top Totty.
Asking the barmaid for a Stiffy might illicit some eyebrow-raising from one or two but, to me at least, it’s nothing but a bit of fun. Such innuendo happens around most bars every day and traditional old pub signs offering the best head in town at the bar will always raise a nostalgic smile — and can often be found for sale on eBay.
Sadly, though, we spend far too much of our time these days fretting about everybody turning in to a 21st Century Sid James that we are at risk of creating a quiet, sterile environment instead of one that should be full of fun and raucous laughter.
Mark Daniels is the licensee at the Tharp Arms in Chippenham, Cambridgeshire.
