Pub Bitch: Don't blame it on the (lack of) sunshine

Arse appeal

You've got to admire - and please accept my apologies for the pun - the bare-faced cheek of some people. Welsh brewer SA Brain is giving its flagship site the Yard, in Cardiff, a refurb with a difference. The project's designer is asking customers for, er, photos of their backsides. Tim Rice - said designer of pub overhaul, not the co-author of godawful stage musicals - has put a plea out on Facebook (Facebook? - Ed.) asking for volunteers to help him create bathroom ceiling wallpaper featuring 500 bare bottoms. The beauty of it, waxes our Tim, is that "if you stare at the ceiling the only person who will know it's your bum up there is you". We can think of a few faces that might sit well up there too, but that's by the by. If you want to help out - and why wouldn't you? - email Tim at: timrice@sucadesign.com

Don't blame it on the (lack of) sunshine

Some pub companies blame a downturn in recent trading on the snow. Even the Chancellor of the Exchequer is at it, suggesting inclement conditions were behind the UK's economy's 0.5 per cent dip at the end of last year. But wait, here comes weather consultancy British Weather Services (BWS), sticking up for weathermen and women everywhere. "There are two sides to every story," says BWS senior risk meteorologist Jim Dale, who highlights that some industries - like outdoor clothing retailers - are experiencing a boom. "It is far too convenient for George Osborne to lump everything onto the weather. He is guessing. He doesn't really know and he's using the poor weather as a shield - very much akin to companies who, year in year out, do nothing about weather mitigation and use the same excuse. He should know better but sadly doesn't." He probably does now Jim.

You can't sit there, mate

The growing trend of locals' co-operatives buying their own pubs ain't always what it's cracked up to be, if the experience of the people behind the Ewshot in Guildford, Surrey, is anything to go by. Members of the Ewshot team told a recent BII newcomers meeting that they have a particular problem - getting rid of certain customers. "The thing is they think they run the pub. They sit at the bar, putting other people off, and have even gone as far as writing their names next to the stools they sit on," they told the meeting. And the solution to this nutty problem, courtesy of the BII's regional chairman Martin Grady? "Remove the stools, remove the problem." We guess they just wouldn't stand for it.

Sing a song of spuds

I bet you're looking forward to National Chip Week (February 21-27), aren't you? I know I am. Hmmmmm, chiiiiiipssssaaaarggghhh. Anyway, among the events being touted is the hunt for the country's 'Chip Factor', tuning into people's passion for chips and, er, singing. Says a spokeswoman for the Potato Council: "There is no reason why pubs can't hold a dedicated 'Chip Karaoke' event, and make a night of it." Really? The council's sales kit includes a Chip Factor vinyl floor sticker, while suitably potato-friendly lyrics can be downloaded from www.lovechips.co.uk for pubs to use and pass on to their customers. "The popular 'Chip Quiz' is also still available for theme nights, as are a host of National Chip Week facts and serving suggestions," she added, keeping a straight face.

Caption competition

Looks like government plans to thwart supermarket deals have backfired if this photo is anything to go by. The 'duty plus VAT' system it has worked out to stop below-cost selling could lead to even cheaper deals than are currently available. So heaven only knows how much this rather large can of Heineken will go for in Tesco, or how they will get it past the checkout for that matter. Actually, this photo has nothing to do with supermarket pricing, we just thought it might be funny to suggest that it does. You may of course beg to differ and if you can think of anything better please send it in to news@thepublican.com​, and the best entry will win a supersize can of Heineken. That too is a fib, but you might get some of the tat we have lying around the office.

Send your stories and pictures about people in pubs to pubbitch@thepublican.com​

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