Pub Bitch: February retox anyone?
Back on it
There still seems to be a worrying amount of fruit, lo-fat yoghurt and alarmingly healthy soup being consumed in Publican Towers, but thankfully those silly January detoxes are coming to an end. A trip to Bristol on an important 'Publican Local' research trip (you mean 'pub crawl'. Ed) did for one of the team - well you can't really visit such a fine city and not sample its beer; that would just be unprofessional. Others have succumbed while in meetings and got back onto the pub grub to sustain themselves as the year's first deadlines approach. So, looking at this scientific study, the good news must be if the complete inability to stick to no-drink resolutions is anything to go by the trade will welcome back a host of 'stayaway' customers in the next few weeks. 'Retox February' anyone?
A right royal booze-up
The (b)looming Royal Wedding is everywhere these days, unsurprisingly. I saw the BBC America website last week featured a page on the forthcoming nuptials twixt Wills and Kate, telling US readers that pub owners in England and Wales will be able to open for an extra hour on the day of the glittering occasion etc. "Pubs," the website helpfully informs residents of our former colony, "currently must close at 11pm unless they receive a special license (sic) to stay open longer". The site then notes the possible impact of a strike by drivers on the London Underground on the day. "Staff are currently threatening a walkout on April 29 which could leave thousands of sloshed, stranded people looking for doorsteps to rest on. Yikes." No wonder the world thinks we're a nation of drunks…
Of soldiers and slot machines
Fruit machine crime is big business, apparently, with what one operator calls a "new generation of machine bandits" on the loose. But things are about to change. IOA, which claims it's the largest operator of gaming and electronic amusement kit in the UK, is to use technology developed by IT giant IBM and deployed by no less than the US military to protect its customers' income streams. It apparently uses a complex set of passwords that change every day in order to deter ne'er-do-wells from pinching cash from the machines, or indeed the machines themselves. Quite what the US military originally used the Data Encryption Standard technology for isn't explained, but we hope it wasn't involved in laying waste to any Third World countries…
Rear gunner
Talking of military matters, it seems the Ministry of Defence (MoD) is warning female soldiers as to the perils of knocking back too much alcohol. An advertisement in Soldier magazine shows a pint beer glass in the shape of a rather large bottom (complete with glass legs and high heels) and the searching question 'Does My Bum Look Big In This?'. The ad then asks whether female squaddies are drinking to excess, after the MoD found that far too many army personnel — men and women — were drinking 'hazardous and harmful' amounts of alcohol. Given the dangers to their health that frontline troops face every day in certain parts of the world I'd have said a few beers were the least of their worries…
No stranger to scandal
PPL, one of the music industry bodies which charges pubs for the right to play music, has come in for a bit of stick recently, what with its debt collectors threatening errant licensees with prison, etc. But at least Jonathan Morrish, head of the organisation's public relations department, and a man whose career in the music biz stretches back to a time when bands released things called 'records' on black vinyl, is made of stern stuff. He's had to be, over the years, for Morrish used to be Michael Jackson's PR man when the singer toured Europe, handling all sorts of claims and speculation surrounding the bloke with good-mannered aplomb. The hue and cry surrounding PPL's heavy-handed tactics over its fees should therefore be a walk in the park…
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