Pub Bitch: 'The Only Way Is Essex' Ale

Cigar evolution

Not that we would go to the opening of an envelope or anything, but we did find ourselves at the presentation of the newly designed Hamlet packaging the other day (we were tricked by the offer of free booze. Again). Now, to the untrained eye, the packs, which have no doubt cost millions to design and produce, look, er, pretty similar to the old ones, so we were intrigued to learn that the inspiration had come from gastro pubs. "Hamlet has much in common with the British pub," waxed the marketing monkey, lyrically. "And in the same way gastro pubs have evolved, Hamlet, while still unmistakably Hamlet, is evolving in style and becoming more contemporary." This is terribly good to know, but there is a problem with this line of thinking… however contemporary they are smokers will still have to stand outside the pub, gastro or otherwise.

Essex ale

The words 'beer' and 'bling-bling' ('bling-bling'???? - Ed.) rarely — if ever — appear in the same sentence. But thanks (we think) to an Essex brewer, the traditional world of brewing has merged seamlessly with the contemporary world of, well, bling-bling. Inspired by the new reality TV show The Only Way Is Essex, the Brentwood Brewing Company has produced a limited-edition ale to celebrate the great things about the county. 'Stars' from the programme are set to appear at the launch at the Golden Fleece in Chelmsford this week. Now we're not 100 per cent about this but we're guessing the beer is - wait for it - a cheeky blonde that might be lacking a little in taste, but is fun in small measures.

Double standards?

Funny how the things you say or do can come back and bite you on the backside, isn't it?

It was only a few months ago that the Good Pub Guide was attracting a lot of attention after it decided to eject around 400 pubs because of a drop in customer service standards. This caused a mighty kerfuffle and was given considerable coverage by the meedja. But hang on a sec, this is the same Good Pub Guide that has now announced that pubs will have to pay up to £200 to feature in future editions from 2012. Like, how's that for customer service? The Guide has never charged before and we wonder whether the number refusing to stump up the cash to appear gets anywhere near the figure of 400.

Pass the pipe

Talking of words one never thought one would see in a news item, I was amused to see British Beer & Pub Association (BBPA) head girl Brigid Simmonds refer to crack pipes when responding to the claims by former government drugs adviser David Nutt that alcohol was more dangerous to society than crack cocaine. "It's just not rational to say that enjoying a social beer with friends in the pub or glass of wine over dinner has the moral or societal equivalence of injecting heroin or smoking a crack pipe," she said last week. Bless her, the injecting heroin bit I can get, but does she actually know what a crack pipe is?

Jack of all trades

Isn't it great that the government has appointed a minister to oversee the pub sector?

Bob Neill, the Tory MP for Bromley and Chislehurst, will be responsible for pubs as part of his remit as Under Secretary of State at the Department of Communities and Local Government (DCLG), where his responsibilities include the fire service, the Thames Gateway, the Olympics, local government and planning. Quite how he's going to find the time to keep tabs on the UK's 50,000-plus boozers is anyone's guess, but hey, we're glad he's got the job. Sadly however it seems his own department didn't think Neill's new role merited an official announcement. He'd been in the hot seat for several weeks before the DCLG's press people saw fit to confirm his appointment…

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