Pub Bitch: Publican Pub Quiz special

Charity cheats

It gives Pub Bitch no pleasure whatsoever to report that a number of teams and individuals were caught cheating at last week's Publican Charity Pub Quiz.

Actually, that's not true. It gives us great pleasure, so here are the guilty parties.

First up, our one time guest editors from the Nightingale in Balham, South London. They could have practically paid for a WaterAid project on their own such was the amount they were forced to put in the kitty in fines for illegal mobile phone use.

And shame on our otherwise wonderful hosts from Wetherspoons, who snuck into the kitchen to look up answers.

The guilty party was from head office so the 'I'm cleaning up' act fooled no one.

Roll of honour

Still at the quiz, as with most things in life there were winners and losers.

The biggest winners were, of course the charity, WaterAid, followed closely by quiz champs Fuller's.

Big D Nuts girl Rosie Jones also fell into that category by managing to pull her own ticket out in the raffle to win a very expensive magnum of champagne.

You can judge for yourself whether The Publican's Claire Dodd and Hamish Champ, who dressed as a tap and a toilet respectively, fall into the winners or losers category.

Sadly there is no argument over the placement of our very own commercial team, who finished by graciously allowing all the other 25 teams taking part to finish in front of them. Their politeness knows no bounds.

Brainy barflies

Keeping to the quiz-type theme and it looks like the Lorelei in Porthcawl, Wales, could have a claim on being Britain's brightest pub (yes, that's right, in Wales).

For the second quarter running the Lorelei is topping the charts in the Pilsner Urquell Smartest Pub competition — the scratchcard-based Mensa test for Pilsner drinkers.

But we'd like to know what's been happening in High Wycombe where the Bootlegger has risen from the depths of 63rd spot to a title-challenging fourth. Have you barred our sales team recently?

And according to the Thatchers Arms in Essex, its own rise from 26th to sixth has been helped by real ale fans taking part. Turns out all it takes to get those staunch real ale drinkers to try something else is the chance of a free holiday and more beer.

Pub pop

Finally, moving away from quizzes and on to the subject of popstars in pubs, Lady Gaga's position as the 'new Madonna' was seemingly confirmed when she was spotted at a few watering holes in Chiswick last weekend.

The Poker Face star — appropriately dressed in a 'raunchy black bondage dress' — apparently ingratiated herself with locals by having staff touch up her make-up and generally swoon all over her while she tried a pint of bitter.

We await to hear whether, like the Material Girl, she too is partial to a tipple of Timothy Taylor' Landlord.

Sincerest form of flattery

It looks like the Southampton Arms in London's Kentish Town is keen to distance itself from the Jolly Butchers in nearby Stoke Newington.

Both are tip-top venues which bill themselves as 'Ale and Cider Houses' but the former thinks that the latter might have been a little too inspired by the sign saying just that.

It points this out on the homepage of its website with the statement: "We would like to make it clear that the Jolly Butchers gastropub in Stoke Newington, albeit a nice pub, has absolutely nothing to do with us. They merely copied our signage, pretty much exactly, the cheeky sods."

Well, that's told 'em.

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