Pub Bitch: Good cheer and sarcasm

Wine bar worship

In case you missed it Alcohol Awareness Week has been and gone. You mean you weren't aware of alcohol last week? Shame on you. The event was used by the likes of Alcohol Concern to tell us how evil drinking is, how advertising drinking is similarly bad, indeed how talking and even thinking about drinking is a no-no. But instead of banging this rather tiresome drum, perhaps they should take a look at the Italian approach. In a move to draw young Italians away from British-style binge-drinking the Roman Catholic Church has converted a 17th-century crypt into a pub — where wine will be sold at cheaper prices than in neighbouring bars. The John Paul II (I kid ye not) aims to "get away from the idea that to be Catholic you have to be sad or serious". Or sober, by the sounds of it.

Good cheer and sarcasm

Talking of novel approaches, we were slightly taken aback by the message that greets customers visiting the website of Camden Town, London, boozer the Enterprise. In what we can only assume is deeply sarcastic prose,

customers are asked to "be rude, whistle, click your fingers and shout when you want to be served" and to "order one drink at a time and then pay separately". The note continues with sneering comments including "if we can we will always serve your cold beer in a warm glass" and "you are right, the head on your pint was far too big, let me give you an extra pint for free because of our greed".

But rather than being offended, the pub's customers have taken this in the spirit that it is intended, or so I'm told. That spirit officially being "It's a pisstake, but it's also true". My Publican chums and I are planning to visit the pub en masse, credit cards in hand and not a clue what to order.

Job swaps

Is there any irony to be found in the fact that Deborah Kemp, the former head of Punch Taverns' leased pub operation, is now to be found running a large, privately owned firm of funeral directors? Of course not. What about Andrew Knight, who led the pubco's managed pub division and who now leads — of all things — Weightwatchers? No, not a bit. Or Adrian Fawcett, once tipped to take over from Giles Thorley as Punch's chief barman, who now heads a private healthcare company? Ex-Punch executives, now taking care of us from the cradle to the grave, so to speak. Who'da thought it…

Howdy, partner

Sticking with the pubco giantTM, we note that they have gone through the annual process of changing the names of their Business Development Managers yet again. These days those helpful types will be known to licensees and tenants as Partnership Development Managers, because it's a team effort, right, and not a big company telling you what to do. Of course, businesses will be developed by managers in the process too but hey, who are we to argue? We look forward to next year's incarnations. To help Punch out one wag in the office has suggested rebranding the business support team as Customer Relations And Partnerships. You can work out the acronym yourself. Can't you?

Of live bands and licensing

Jobsworth of the week award goes to the council bod who took it upon themselves to investigate an apparent illegal after-hours party at a Scots pub in Perthshire.

The civil servant in question was alarmed upon hearing that the Greyfriars Bar in Perth was advertising a lock-in at the weekend.

But after actually bothering to visit the pub the red-faced official was told that the advert was actually for the band 'Lock In' who were due to play at the venue — and finish well before closing time.

If you're lucky enough to get them, just be careful when promoting the likes of Massive Attack, the Killers and Megadeth.

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