Mark Daniels: Projectile Vomit, Cornish Pubs, and a very angry seagull

Given that I rank supermarkets in my top-five list of "Things That Are Wrong With Pubs At The Moment", I feel somewhat guilty - not to mention slightly hypocritical - at benefiting from their generosity in order to enjoy a family holiday.

My wife, however, suffers from no such emotions when it comes to getting a rare opportunity for time off from work and so, utilising our amassed Tesco ClubCard Vouchers and Nectar Points, she happily booked us a green, corrugated static caravan on a rain-soaked family park near the southern tip of Cornwall.

This meant that last Monday the four of us (me, Ali, Malachy (aged 9) and Jacob (aged 6)) piled in to the Vel Satis and headed off on the long trek from Newmarket to Mullion. Leaving at 4:30 in the morning saw the boys and Ali promptly fall asleep, leaving me with little to do than listen to Radio 4 and try to hypermile the Renault*

The first half of the journey was pretty uneventful, as they were all fast asleep and even John Humphreys was still chewing on his Corn Flakes but, after we'd paused for a brief respite at Stonehenge, it all changed.

Shortly after setting off on the next stage of the journey an unannounced - and unfeasibly large amount of - projectile vomiting triggered by travel sickness emerged from Jacob, covering the entire rear of the car's interior (not to mention his brother). The rest of the journey was a mixture of stop/start sickness breaks, fractious games of I Spy and an awful smell. Even the car got in on the game by suddenly announcing on the screen that it was -38°C outside and therefore switching off the air conditioning to try and heat us up rather than cool us down. In last week's heat wave, that did nothing for the smell...

And so started our family break, which comprised a mixture of sun, gales, lashing rain, trips to tourist spots, my first ever go on a Segway (without crashing!), a random encounter with the in-laws at the Eden Project and me, being attacked by an angry seagull whilst sitting in my car because he wanted my Cornish Pasty.

But one of the things I was most looking forward to about our trip to Cornwall were the pubs. Pints of Sharp's Doom Bar and Cornish Rattler were definitely on the agenda and, whilst it might not be very loyal of me to say this, I'm quite a fan of St Austell's ales and can often only get Tribute on my own guest list so was looking forward to trying some different beers.

Many of the pubs were quiet, given this is a popular tourist spot in the UK, but the full holiday season has yet to start for them. Regardless, it was somewhat disappointing to find that several didn't start doing evening meals until 7pm and, despite saying that children were welcome, it was clear from one or two that really, they weren't.

But one pub stood out during the trip and I'd love to take this chance to say thanks to its managers, Jenny Burnett & Craig Williams, of the Old Inn Mullion​. Their pub was busy, vibrant, full of life and politely, efficiently staffed. The beers were well kept, the food well cooked and, despite them being busy each time we visited, all was dealt with and delivered to the table in a swift and friendly manner. They made us feel welcome, and that made the holiday all the better for it.

I couldn't help smiling, however, when I called in to one pub on The Lizard, whose guest ale was none other than my own landlord's Greene King IPA.

I can only assume that after that torrid three hundred and eighty eight mile drive, the landlord was just trying to make me feel at home! Oh well, time to get the nose back to the grindstone...

* hypermiling - the art of trying to get your car to beat a miles-per-gallon target you set yourself.