Pub bitch: The bitch is back!
Damned united
An illustration of just how tough times are came last week when Punch Taverns shelved its annual corporate get-together at the Cheltenham Festival. In a case of 'damned if they did, damned if they didn't', the UK's largest pubco reckoned entertaining City analysts, bankers, industry sector hacks and a smattering of lucky lessees to a day's watching the gee-gees was probably a bit much in the current economic climate. I suspect the £12,000 or so cost of a box at Cheltenham played a part in the decision as well. After all, that multi-billion-pound debt has gotta be paid down somehow, and as my dear old ma used to say: "Every mickle makes a muckle…
Warm relations?
Outspoken Lib Dem MP Greg Mulholland is clearly not afraid of ruffling a few feathers with his views on the pubcos — even when their head honchos are in the room. At the recent pub trade summit meeting in Parliament, Mulholland again attacked the pubcos, claiming they skewer competition among pubs through the amount they charge their tenants for beer. What gutsy Greg may not have expected was to be confronted by Punch chief Giles Thorley and Marston's boss Ralph Findlay. Both made a beeline for him straight after the meeting. Thorley was clearly keen to engage further, appearing to proffer his business card to the member for Leeds North West. Maybe the beginning of a beautiful friendship? Or perhaps not…
Apples and pears
What a difference a few months can make. Magners GB boss John Holberry was waxing lyrically recently on the Irish group's new pear cider variant with these words: "Pear is a natural and exciting step for Magners and shows we are prepared to respond to consumers and drive market growth in this difficult climate." But then the other day I uncovered comments he made in September last year, when he described pear cider as "an oxymoron, because cider is an apple drink and always will be". Market forces have clearly forced Holberry to change his tune.
Managerial merry-go-round
It was hard not to draw a parallel between the managerial goings-on at the British Beer & Pub Association (BBPA) and similar events recently transpiring at Chelsea Football Club. The Mighty Blues, having lost 'Big Phil'
recently, promptly hired until the end of the season one Guus 'Happy' Hiddink, since when the team has rediscovered its winning ways and is on course for Cup and League glory (it says here). Meanwhile the BBPA, after its parting of ways with chief executive Rob Hayward, has also appointed a temporary head coach in the form of the organisation's brewing guru David Long. Like Hiddink, Long doesn't plan to stick around forever. So who'll eventually get the BBPA gig full-time? Howsabout Mark 'Ohforgoodnesssake' Hastings, currently the association's press guru/guard-dog?
Hayward to ring the changes?
Staying with Rob Hayward, what the former Tory MP will be doing with his new-found freedom is anyone's guess, though we understand a return to politics is on the cards. However, he could always keep his headed BBPA notepaper by looking to lead the other BBPA; the British Body Piercing Association. While I'm not one for too many piercings myself, the BBPA helpfully points out on its website that not only is it the only body piercing association with a very stringent code of ethics, practices and procedures, it is also concerned with "whether the piercer can actually do the job". This will no doubt come as a great comfort to those looking for a nice Prince Albert ring and chain set…
Homer Simpson beer quotes
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs."
"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
"Homer no function beer well without."
"Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems."
Send your stories and pictures about people in pubs to pubbitch@thepublican.com
