I predict a riot...

There was a time when our customers came to venues for a drink and a smoke — but then the health lobby decided that, though legal, smoking needed to be restricted in public places.

Undaunted, the licensed trade, which had been changing anyway, moved to offer food and drink, but the health lobby has both of those items in its sights.

Current education campaigns and "voluntary" initiatives on alcohol lead us to shrink our customer base: Challenge 21 could well become the legal minimum age down the line.

Units guidance could likewise become the law — with retailers having to gauge intake. And when it comes to food, our menus are already struggling to make room for the dishes themselves let alone all the nutritional and calorific information. Binge eating could become every bit as much the licensee's problem as binge drinking.

So, with tobacco, alcohol and food all under threat, an increasing number of operators turned to music and entertainment to stimulate business. CGA tracked a 62% increase in venues offering live music across 2007, while in post-smoking ban Scotland, wet-led pubs turned themselves into late-night entertainment venues in numbers second only to the shift into food.

Music — particularly live music — has proven to be a great way of differentiating your venue from the competition and driving footfall in the early part of the week.

And now, almost like part of a deliberate attempt to kill off the pub trade, the NHS has published research by Glasgow University showing that music can influence people's behaviour, potentially triggering violence and disorder in clubs, pubs and bars. Several thoughts spring to mind:

Why have we, the taxpayers, paid for this statement of the bleeding obvious?

Did they bother to ask anyone in the industry about this? Probably not — we would have only bamboozled them with common sense.

Why did the Sunday Times devote a chunk of its front page to this research? Slow news day? Or does it know that bashing the licensed trade from any angle will give good copy?

Where is this leading?

In a society that appears to be on a direct path towards regulated intake of alcohol units and calories, is it that far-fetched to suggest we might see limits on the type of music we consume?

If the NHS is satisfied that this research demonstrates a "clear link between music and pub violence", lobbyists will want to ease the burden on the NHS by banning or restricting consumption of inappropriate songs.

That could mean the end of all inclusive promotions (a single entry fee to a club), regulated playlists to keep average beats per minute inside acceptable levels (with an accompanying Department of Health "Know your Beats" campaign) or even a ban on the performance of certain songs in enclosed public places.

It is already viewed as a harmful by-product by EU bureaucrats — treating it with the same disdain as the noise caused by heavy machinery in the recent Noise at Work directive.

Perhaps most concerning of all, the researchers are advocating Robbie Williams as the ultimate sedative, with tracks such as Angels or Millennium capable of soothing the heart of the savage beast (aka Glaswegian drinker).

Now, I don't know which venues they visited, but in my experience there are plenty of Glasgow pubs, clubs and bars where just the first few beats of a Williams track would be enough to trigger disorder — principally aimed at the idiot DJ who dared to put on anything by the ex-Take Thatter.

World class venues​

Music, used correctly in venues, can deliver an escapist dance-floor experience that is truly ecstatic (even without artificial stimulants). We have world-class venues up and down the UK offering countless nights with an infinite range of music from which to choose.

While the fresh wave of karaoke venues (and even Rockaoke — just you, an audience of hundreds and a live backing group) can let the customer take centre stage, literally.

Yes, music can affect your mood — that is the whole point! But it need not (whatever the Kaiser Chiefs believe) lead to a riot — good management will keep things within acceptable limits.

This research cannot be allowed to lead to legislation. It may well be that, in the months to come, we will need to borrow from the canon of the Beastie Boys, and fight for our right to party.