Pub Bitch
Feeding his ego
Top marks to the BII and John Mac for another sterling annual lunch at the Grosvenor House hotel in London last week. No marks at all, though, go to the event's guest speaker, 'celebrity chef' Kevin Woodford. Woodford kicked off his self-publicity session… sorry, speech, with a two-minute film about himself, presumably for the benefit of the hundreds of people in the room who'd managed to avoid the TV dross that is Ready Steady Cook.
He then droned on and on about his own achievements, occasionally chipping in with some rather dubious comments, like the one about the food we'd just had being something one would be familiar with "at 38,000 feet", and describing an apprentice once in his charge who suffered from something akin to Parkinson's disease as being an ideal candidate for the job of cocktail shaker.
Such quips met with virtual silence, and after what felt like a week the man finally sat down. Thankfully, BII stalwart Phil Dixon had had the room in stitches earlier in the proceedings, plus his insight and enthusiasm for the pub trade is what such an event cries out for.
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Can't get the staff
Still on the subject of the BII lunch, isn't it great to see how the security industry has smartened up its act since the introduction of the SIA regulations? The security guards positioned outside the Audley Arms near the Grosvenor showed no mercy in their relentless efforts to keep post-lunch revellers in check, moving on countless pubco chiefs and licensees from outside the pub. One prominent trade leader who dared to encroach beyond the boundaries of the pub's pavement was unceremoniously asked to get on the right side of the line.
Meanwhile, inside the pub, people queued four deep at the bar to be served, with many, including yours truly, giving up and heading for a boozer in nearby Shepherd Market. Surely the staff know about the event? Spirit, which owns the pub, certainly does. Note to Andrew Knight, he of the company: more staff on the day of the BII 'do' please!!!
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Tel tells it like it is
It seems the pub trade has found a new supporter in perma-tanned former England soccer boss Terry Venables. In an interview with Sport magazine former licensee El Tel noted the trials and tribulations of the sector. "It's a sad situation. The British pub trade is part of our heritage. People want to talk about binge-drinking, but there's more to it than that. It's a social thing; families, people after work go there," he said. I couldn't agree more. What're you having Tel?
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A little piece of Ireland
Our thanks go to Michael Coughlan, who owns 'Brogans' on the Balearic island of Menorca, who sent us a photo of his bar. Michael believes he is the proud owner of the "smallest Irish pub in the world", capacity 16 people. I'm afraid it doesn't look especially small to me, so if you think you own the smallest Irish pub in the world, or just the smallest pub in the world, send me a photo and a brief description and we'll stick up it somewhere in the office…
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Taking care of the tinnies
Australia is a rich hunting ground for Pub Bitch, it seems. A man Down Under was recently stopped by police for driving a car in which a child occupant was found to be crawling around on the floor of the vehicle, while a 30-can pack of beer was strapped into a seat between two adults on the back seat.
Police were "shocked and appalled" after they stopped the car south of Alice Springs in Australia's Northern Territory. Constable Wayne Burnett said: "I haven't ever seen something like this before. This is the first time that the beer has taken priority over a child. It was sitting in the lump in the centre, unrestrained." The driver was apparently oblivious to the wrong he had committed, and was fined the equivalent of £362 for his ignorance.
