Like being savaged by a dead sheep

The letter from Lacors - the Local Authority Co-ordinators of Regulatory Services - which was published last week, regarding delayed licence issuing, perhaps indicates the essential problem with local government attitudes.

They genuinely do not think that a delay of this nature is anything to worry about.

I noticed two things: one, that it took a concerted media blitz before they did anything, even though this newspaper published details of the fact that no licences had been issued in Allerdale months ago. Second, that there has been no apology to those who have been affected by this, on the basis that there has been no disadvantage to them!

So that's all right, then. We fail to do our job and as long as we let everyone know that it will be another few months before they are all sent out, no one should worry.

However, adherence to the written terms of the licence is made a key condition of the new system. Ask the licensees of Newton-le-Willows, Merseyside, whether the words on the licence are important. The police there are closing them down on the spot if they breach any of the "terms and conditions", however general or non-specific these might be. Enforcement officers in Westminster are checking that licences are displayed and that every aspect is being followed to the letter.

No light-touch approach here. No co-operation or consideration of the problems licensees face. It is a set of double standards so acceptable in local government, it seems, and so detested by everyone else.

As far as Lacors itself is concerned, big questions have to be asked. It is a clear indication of a weak position when you have to use the words of a former minister to tell the licensed trade that you are doing a good job, rather than rely on the facts. It rather weakens the argument when you then turn on the very same Government and say that the reason you are not doing a good job is lack of funding.

Does Lacors really think that 20 months after the new Act came into force there is any rational excuse for not having issued the paper licences and summaries which are the cornerstone of the legislation? Is it so toothless that it can never stand up in public and say: "We goofed." All it does is to sound incredulous that anyone could have failed this task, and ask once again for us to point out the

backsliders.

Well, we have done. And they have done nothing. Apparently, they do not have a role in co-ordination, we are told, in spite of their title. They are the Geoffrey Howe of local

government: in the immortal phrase of Denis Healey, facing them is rather like being savaged by a dead sheep!

There are different standards at work today. Can anyone remember ever having to wait 20 months for a licence or certificate from the licensing justices or magistrates? Of course not. It would have been unthinkable. That is no justification for going back to the old ways, but it rather gives the lie to the idea that funding or resources in themselves are the answer.

Efficiency and expertise maybe. I understand that in the face of all this fuss, Allerdale has recently recruited two new members of staff to assist in the work of the licensing department there.

There's only one problem: neither of them knows anything at all about licensing!