Crackers, candles & cock-ups

It should be the busiest time of the year, when you're inundated with customers so you can guarantee something's going to go wrong.

JO de MILLE asks licensees about the nightmares of Christmases past and offers some tips for preparing for every eventuality

Nightmare number 1:

The pub novice. 'Every Christmas we get customers who clearly only visit pubs at that time of year and have been dragged in with a group of friends. These people just don't get it, they don't understand how a pub works. They'll stand at the bar, order one Diet Coke, then when they've got that, order a drink for someone else and say, 'Oh I'm not sure what Jeff wants, I'll just go and ask him,' wandering to the other side of the pub completely unaware of the chaos they're causing throughout the bar. There are also those people who only seem to drink at Christmas it's always quite funny seeing them after a drink or two.

Solution:

There is nothing much you can do in this situation other than remain patient, help them as much as you can and smile. But it's always a good plan to employ extra staff around Christmas, when you know the bar's going to get hectic.

Nightmare number 2:

Spark out. 'It was around 4pm one New Year's Eve when we had a sudden power cut just three hours before we were going to have a big party in the pub. The power cut didn't affect the food as the cooker runs off a cylinder of gas, but we obviously couldn't open the tills or anything like that, plus it was pitch-black until we started handing candles out. There was absolutely nothing we could do. We just hoped people would see the funny side and join in the fun. People started putting the candles in their empty bottles which actually gave the pub a romantic feel well, that's what the customers said. I'm not so sure, maybe it was the drink talking.

Solution:

Again, you need to be aware that nightmares like this always seem to happen at the worst times, during the busiest times of year. Check your fuses before a party like this and, without sounding pessimistic, always prepare for the worst.

Nightmare number 3:

Plumbing peril. 'Christmas isn't the only nightmare time of year. We find that any time the pub gets busy which means over any bank holiday, during the summer holiday period as well as at Christmas something is bound to go wrong. Over the most recent bank holiday, sewage started coming through the ceiling into the pub when the toilet's waste-water pipe burst. Luckily, none of it touched the food, but I can tell you it wasn't pleasant. During other busy periods we've had a glasswasher break down, an ice-maker which stopped working and a cold room which decided to pack up not great when it's storing all your food for a particularly busy few days.

Solution:

If anything is on its last legs, or in need of a bit of TLC, get it fixed before those busy periods. After all, machinery is bound to break down when it is under a lot of strain. Well before the Christmas period, carry out extensive checks on any machinery and repair any 'cracks that you think have still got a few weeks left in them. If, for example, your staff describe the glasswasher as being 'temperamental, it will pay to get it checked out before it breaks down completely, causing havoc throughout the pub.