A (lawyer's) good pub guide

George Orwell’s classic depiction of the ideal British pub, which he mythologised as the ‘Moon Under Water’ and described as having “the solid comfortable ugliness of the 19th century”, gave me the idea to offer some tips.

These are taken from a mixture of my visits to the pub as a fan and beer consumer, and a licensing lawyer.

I am afraid that I can sometimes be a bit of an anorak when visiting pubs because I tend to assess them both as an amateur and a professional.What follows is a personal list of the things I look out for. It is neither a comprehensive list of legal requirements nor indeed customer preferences, but, in my view, would certainly get a pub to first base.

• It has got to sell good beer. By this I mean I will get nervous if there are four handpumps but fewer than three are working. Is it proper beer? I am not going to get fussy about real ale or craft beer, but ale that is tasty. If all that is on offer is industrialised fizz, I am afraid I will go somewhere else (and take my friends!)
• Is there information about the beer on either the font or on a blackboard, telling me where it is from, its ABV and even to include some helpful tasting notes?
• Is it possible to have a taste?
• If there is no information about the beer, does the member of staff know about it, and does he or she have an interest in the product that is for sale?
• As I examine these things, I do tend to swap hats and cast a glance around the bar, looking for the summary of the premises licence or a certified copy which must be displayed ‘prominently’, as well as a section 57 notice authorising an individual to safeguard the premises licence itself. There may also be a form of authorisation on display for the sale of alcohol (but this is not mandatory)
• Back to my beer — if it is from a handpump, I do get suspicious (I do not understand the technical workings) if the beer is poured cloudy, and particularly if it takes a number of goes to pour a clear pint, during which a lot of it appears to be wasted.
• I then look and see whether I am told anywhere that I can buy half a pint of it (god forbid!) somewhere; in other words the ‘small measures’ mandatory condition is being complied with, and that a price list also available (to keep trading standards happy).

While I can never pretend in any way to be George Orwell (this small article will be sufficient evidence of that) if I find all of the above, then I can relax and enjoy a good pint in a pleasant and satisfactorily compliant atmosphere.