My round... what you having?

I’m sometimes fooled into thinking it is a simple question. Whether we are dyed-in-the-wool creatures of habit, or interested enthusiasts making informed, discerning choices, we all know what we want to drink.

But two new pieces of research from the wine industry remind us it’s never that simple.

The first, released last week by the Wine & Spirit Education Trust (WSET), reveals two-thirds of us don’t have much of a clue about wine, but are scared of being rumbled, so we simply bluff our way through it. Men are more likely to pretend to have greater knowledge of wine than women — possibly because one in six women consider wine knowledge an attractive quality in a man.

The second, reported in the PMA a couple of weeks ago, is a survey by Côtes du Rhône Wines, which found nine out of 10 men are perfectly happy to drink wine at home, but six in 10 wouldn’t order wine with male friends in a pub for fear of ridicule.

Image problem​

This all starts to sound like good old dependable beer has nothing to fear from complicated, poncey wine. But the figures tell a different story.

Compared to 1990, the average Brit drinks 37% less beer and 70% more wine than they did.

And while the data is not as robust, I’ve seen more research that suggests the problem of image works equally the other way around. While blokes may say they fear ridicule from male friends for drinking wine, many also fear appearing uncouth in mixed company if they don’t switch to wine.

Any publican will have observed the male half of the couple sitting with a pint and then reaching for the wine list instead when food is ordered. Drinking beer at a dinner party at a friend’s home is, as I have learned, still very much frowned upon.

I don’t know, doesn’t it all seem a bit… childish?

By definition, as drinkers we are all mature adults. At least half of us have grown up in a world where the equality of the sexes is an accepted truth rather than a campaign for ‘women’s lib’. We are supposed to have left behind ancient 1970s stereotypes about what men and women are ‘supposed’ to do.

Al Murray’s mantra of “pint for the fella, glass of white wine or fruit-based drink for the lady” is meant to be a joke rather than a straightforward observation.

Insecurity​

Advertising would not exist if we weren’t prone to insecurity around the products we choose. The more social, cultural and discretionary a choice is, the more it says something about us, the bigger role it plays in the image we want to project to others — whether we think about it consciously or not.

Whether people in my profession write about the delights of a certain hop or a particular grape, it seems much of the time we’re missing the point. Are we drinking more hoppy pale ales because their zingy flavours appeal to any palate and go well with food, or because they’re kinda trendy just now?

Did we stop drinking Chardonnay en masse because the grape became so popular it was overplanted, leading to a decline in quality, or because it seemed a bit tacky once Bridget Jones had been and gone?

It just seems sad that alcoholic drinks — the savouring of which is one of life’s greatest pleasures, both sensory and intellectual — are dictated not by our palates, or by a rich tapestry of experience, knowledge, sense memory, mood, occasion, appetite and company, but more by what others might think of our choices.

Fear​

We’re probably wrong anyway — if nine out of 10 men are happy drinking wine at home, chances are your male drinking colleague is one of them. Is he so scared of accusations of effeminacy that he’s going to pretend he doesn’t like wine if you order a glass? And girls, are you really so enslaved by custom that you’re going to think less of your male friends if they make an active choice to bring beer to the dinner table?

There are times when I prefer wine to beer. There are times when I prefer cider to Champagne. When people take the mick out of me for these choices — in my job it’s a constant reality rather than a vague fear — I think of it as their problem, not mine.

And I have a pretty good idea which of us is enjoying our drink more.