Pub Bitch: Spot the difference - trademark wars

Spot the difference

Protecting a trademark is all well and good, but I reckon it can go too far. Artisan Brewery, based in Cardiff, has been making its Barenaked Beers for the past three years, but when owner Simon Doherty went to register the name as a trademark he was surprised to encounter resistance from fizzy-pop and crisps purveyor PepsiCo, which felt it was too similar in name to its Naked Juice fruit drinks brand. Well, you can see that, can't you? Quite. Meanwhile, Henley-based craft brewer Lovibonds is in the doghouse with Diageo over its 69 IPA (6.9 per cent ABV: geddit?), which will almost certainly be confused with the global drinks leviathan's VAT 69 Scotch whisky, because that's what stupid people do, isn't it, confuse beer with whisky? I do it all the time. Anyone know a good copyright lawyer?

Out of their trees

If you go down to the woods today you might encounter not a group of teddy bears lally-gagging around, eating cucumber sandwiches and frightening small children, but hordes of people who have been down the pub and then decided to go for a post-libation wander among the trees. Getting pub-goers into the nation's woodlands is the brainchild of the Woodlands Trust, which is dedicated to promoting the benefits of Britain's, well, woodlands. This fine organisation has set up a website - VisitWoods.org.uk - to encourage drinkers to go for an oak-lined stroll after downing a few pints. Gail Graham, project manager for VisitWoods, said: "VisitWoods.org.uk is a great way for pub lovers to discover woods close to their favourite pubs, as well as further afield." Keeps them off the high street, I suppose.

What are you drinking?

Alcohol fraud is on the increase, apparently, and although it is more an off-trade issue than one for pubs, both licensees and consumers have been warned to be on the lookout for any drink products they think might are counterfeit, or just plain dodgy. Costing the taxpayer around £1bn a year, officials have been conducting raids recently which unearthed, for example, that 26 per cent of what the BBC calls "licensed premises" in the South West were selling bent booze. Counterfeit alcohol is often adulterated with toxic ingredients such as anti-freeze, adding to the danger. How to tell if it's a wrong 'un? According to Trading Standards, dodgy vodka can often smell like nail varnish. Still, if you don't drink it at least it can be decorative…

Budget butties

Talking of cucumber sandwiches, a survey by an office design outfit called Maris Interiors concludes that 80 per cent of people attending business meetings believe the quality of sandwiches provided for such things has fallen. Four per cent suggest it has risen, while 16 per cent have noticed no change. Popular sandwiches back in 2006 included 'crayfish and avocado' and 'chicken teriyaki', but in today's more austere times 'cheese and pickle' and 'tuna and sweetcorn' feature more prominently in the survey. And the average cost of a business meeting sandwich — £3.80 — is now 35 per cent lower than in 2006, apparently. So the next time you're in a meeting with your bank or your BRM, check the quality of the comestibles on offer. It might tell you a lot.

Another laughing policeman

We like old bar room jokes, so fair play to the Corporation of London's new police Commissioner Adrian Leppard for having a crack at one during a recent event. Speaking to a room full of award-winning London licensees, Leppard revealed an experience he had when sitting down in an empty bar with just a bowl of peanuts for company. "I could hear a voice coming from the bowl telling me how smartly dressed and how good I looked", he said, "but then I heard a noise coming from the fruit machines telling me that I was ugly and had a big nose. "Eventually the licensee appeared and told me that the peanuts were complimentary but the fruit machine was out of order." Wa wa wa. We've heard worse, but have you heard better? Send your best 'man walks into a bar' efforts to the usual address.

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