Pub Bitch: Crap Gordon

Crap Gordon

Gordon's alive?! Brian Blessed, the 'face' - if not the voice - of Greene King's Old Speckled Hen, isn't a man to be messed with, it seems. It was reported last week the bearded one had stormed out of a posh food and drink industry bash where he was due to speak after a dinner guest told the actor he thought he was 'crap' in Flash Gordon, the 1980 film in which he plays Prince Vultan. "I'm not standing for this," Blessed is reported to have 'boomed', before leaving in a huff, taking his toys with him. Allegations that he tried to 'throttle' his critic could not be confirmed. Blessed is also said to have paid back his £6,500 speaking fee for the event, held at London's Savoy hotel, but we reckon he was well worth the cash just for his robust response. Mike Hodges' film is bloomin' marv'lus, after all…

Princely pints

While they're not getting hitched or 'helping' our bid to stage the World Cup, it turns out our Royals like nothing more than a local brew. On a recent trip with the missus to the University of Sheffield we are told that Prince Philip was desperate to try a decent beer at lunch. So his minions sourced, appropriately enough, some bottles of Kelham Island Brewery's new University of Sheffield Ale. Insiders tell us he enjoyed the brew, but apparently reports that he further got into student culture by getting smashed on shots and dancing the night away before demonstrating against cuts are wide of the mark.

Piers beers

Piers Morgan, former Fleet Street hack-turned talent contest judge, agony uncle to the stars, etc, ad nauseum, has joined the serried ranks of celebs who want to run their own pub. According to various sources, all of them doubtless hugely reliable, Morgan has bought the lease to the Hansom Cab, near his home in the posh London borough of Kensington. "My parents used to run one in East Sussex called the Griffin Inn, and my brother Rupert has worked in the trade," he told the pub industry's favourite newspaper, the Daily Mail. "So it was a case of if you can't beat them, join them." I saw Morgan drinking in that Guy Richie's pub, the Punch Bowl, once. Maybe that's where he got the idea of buying his own boozer. Who knows? Who cares?

Art without the effort

By the time you read this there's every chance that the winner of our favourite art competition, the Turnip Prize, will have been decided. The annual piss-take of the established art world's Turner Prize is held every year around this time and, as we pointed out last week, the winner is the entry that makes the judges laugh the most and into which the least amount of effort has gone. The more crap it is, the better its chances of victory, says Trevor Prideaux, proprietor of the New Inn in Wedmore, Somerset, where the highly anticipated event takes place. My own favourite is the topical 'Chilli 'n' minors' (geddit?!) but I'd have to give a 'highly recommended' to 'Brief Encounter', which features a pair of large purple y-fronts draped over an abacus…

Art that gets up your nose

Continuing the artistic theme, a gallery in Glasgow is displaying a series of paintings featuring pub scenes which, uniquely, are framed with wood from old whiskey barrels. Small cuts into the frames are designed to allow a whiskey odour to waft towards the viewer's olfactory senses — the schnozzle, in other words. Those looking for a stronger smell can rub a small amount of water into the frames to release more scent, the idea being that you can look at a pub scene and feel like you're there. See? Good. The paintings by Scottish artist Scott MacGregor are on display at the Braewell Galleries. If you're in the area, pop in for a sniff…

Ashes commentary

It seems a bit premature to be celebrating wildly after a draw with the Aussies but hey, it might not get any better, so why not? Marston's was quick off to mark the batting efforts of Alastair Cook as part of its 'England has history, Australia's got previous campaign'. Who knows what they will come up with now we've actually won a match down there?

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