So, the country will soon be rid of the scourge of 24 hour pubs thanks to the campaigning efforts of the Daily Mail. Hurrah!
After months of front-page stories highlighting binge-drinking Britain and the damaging effects on society of longer opening hours for pubs the nation's 'favourite quality tabloid' claimed victory last week when the LibDemCon government promised a review of the Licensing Act. Twice hurrah!
Life as we knew it will soon return to some semblance of order. Soon there'll be no more people drinking in a public house after 11pm. Instead, after a couple of pints of mild and a hour or two ruminating on how the country has gone to the dogs thanks to 500 years of socialism we'll all be wending our way home, soberly relishing the prospect of a warm cup of malt-based milk beverage and a good night's sleep. Thrice hurrah!
Never mind that the 'paper has consistently blown the whole 24 hour pubs/drinking thing out of proportion, I've often wondered what the Mail has got against the on-trade.
It claims all it wants is a return to the 'traditional pub', whatever that means in this day and age.
But I can't help feeling there must be something else going on for it to pour the sort vitriol onto the pub trade it has over the past few years. Maybe someone high up at the 'paper had a bad night in a pub once and swore vengeance on the whole industry.
I respect the Mail's freedom to rant… sorry, to put its views on society as it sees fit. Its high moral tone implies a desire to return to a time when this country was a 'better place'; when young people respected their elders, when men gave up their seat for a lady, when churches were full on a Sunday.
But at the end of the day it rails against the modern world much like Lear shouts at the thunderstorm; it's a fruitless exercise. Society moves on. The Mail may want a return to a 'decent' Britain, but lest they forget, there were bad bits about the 'good old days' too. The Depression. World War Two. Rickets. Etc, ad nauseum.
At the end of the day there are very few '24 hour' pubs. There are lots of pubs whose trading hours are longer than they used to be, but in many parts of the country you still can't get a drink between 2.30pm and 6pm.
Yes, scenes of binge drinking-related carnage in some of our town centres are appalling. Yes, the authorities should crack down on those who serve drink to underage people and to those who are already visibly drunk.
And while you're at it, have a word with those who get so drunk they can't walk, collapsing instead in a heap on a High Street somewhere before ending up in the local A&E department where their lack of personal responsibility costs us taxpayers thousands.
By foaming at the mouth against pubs in general - and lording it over last week's consultation announcement in particular - the Mail has done a considerable disservice to the thousands of licensees across the UK who run great establishments.
If you ask me it owes each and every one of them an apology.
(*Er, no, not really.)