Good news: wine isn't complicated, matching food with wine is simple, and regardless of what high-brow wine buffs might say about their expert palate, the most knowledgeable wine critics are standing on the other side of your bar.
To be a wine connoisseur you simply have to know what you like. And to match food and wine successfully, the only way to truly find out what works is to test some quality wines alongside your food menu.
The most important rule is that if you like it the chances are your customers will too, says Phil Crozier, director of wines for Argentinian restaurant chain, Gaucho.
"People are now prepared to experiment a lot more when they eat out," he says. "They almost want to be led by the hand and guided when it comes to wine. If you train your staff correctly, guests will love it."
Starting from scratch
Phil is well placed to talk about building knowledge of wine from scratch and making cash from it. Before he was taken on as director of wine in 2000 he ran the bar and beer sales far outstripped those of wine. But after he introduced his first menu of 20 wines, sales began to climb and now make up 30 per cent of sales.
"I didn't have any wine training. When I had to put together that first menu, I phoned every supplier in the UK and asked if they had a wine from Argentina and if they did, I asked for samples," Phil says.
"I ended up in a room with about 250 wines and no idea what to do with them. So I did what any self-respecting Englishman would do and drank them over three or four months. During that time I started going to wine fairs and wine tastings, kept my mouth shut and learned a lot."
Phil's golden rules have been to keep it simple and to stick with what you like. However, there are rules of thumb he has picked up along the way. I sampled wines alongside Gaucho's signature dishes so Phil could give me a guide as to what works and what doesn't. Though the links here are with Argentinean foods and wines, these are rules that can be applied to any menu.
First up, there's some Argentine nibbles. Chimichurri is a sauce made from finely chopped parsley, minced garlic, oil, white or red vinegar and red pepper flakes and sometimes oregano, cumin, thyme and lemon and is great with bread. Either way, there's a lot of herbs. Which brings us to food and wine matching rule number one; wine and herbs just don't go.
Give the herbs a miss
"Never use too many herbs in food. They just don't go well with reds in particular as it brings out the greens of the tannins in the wine. It's an absolute that does not work. So things like pesto and red wine are pretty nasty."
He's right. We're drinking a wine made especially for Gaucho as part of its Selección G range, the Torrontes 2009 Michel Torino. Torrontes is a white wine grape of Argentina that produces fresh, aromatic wines.
Indeed, Phil says he once had this wine described to him as "a posh old lady on the number 14 bus to Kensington on the way back from Fortnum & Mason". Which brings us nicely onto rule number two, always have a story.
"You have to have one to sell a wine," says Phil. "This one comes from next to a desert in one of the driest places in the world where hotels still guarantee your money back if it rains. It's evocative.
"If you're going to have five wines on your list, have a story that goes with each and tell your guests about it. Whether it's about a friend that recommended it, or it's a place. If you want to get people interested, you have to give them something they can get to grips with."
On to rule number three, Phil says that if you do have food that is spicy, you need a complex wine that is going to fight back.
"It needs to match the power and spice of the food," he says. "That's why the first wine Torrontes goes fantastically well with Thai food and all the coconut it uses. You need to fight fire with fire and need acidity to cut through. It needs to be aromatic."
Steak is obviously a huge part of both Argentinean and pub menus. So what advice does Phil have? We try two wines both made from the malbec grape.
"This is a grape that produces wine that is easy to drink and it doesn't matter if it's £5 a bottle or £250, it's always going to be very friendly and uncomplex," he says. "The things that make wine more expensive is if it's come from a vine that has a lower yield or been aged in French oak, for example."
Expensive is not always best
The Seleccion G Malbec 2008 is £22.50 a bottle, whereas the Kaiken Ultra 2006 is £40 a bottle. The Seleccion G seems to extend the flavour of the meat, whereas the more expensive bottle seems to go only particularly well with the fatty rib eye. Rule number four, expensive is not always best.
"Because of the acidity, the freshness and the vibrancy of fruit, the Selección G is very good with all of the cuts most of the time which is what you're hoping for," says Phil.
"Whereas the really complex malbec was more a question of really enjoying the wine for the sake of the wine, rather than going with the food. It goes to show that simplicity is best and you don't need to spend a fortune."
To finish, we're on to dessert wines. We match a blue cheese with El Porvenir de los Andes Laborum Torrontes. Here's two admissions, I don't really like the sweetness of dessert wines, nor do I like blue cheese.
However, I give it a go and to my surprise discover the ultimate in food heaven. The sweetness of the wine and the tang of the cheese combine to make the most irresistible burst of flavour.
Such is Phil's enthusiasm for this match that it's not long before staff are approaching the table to try it for themselves. Phil's right about rule number five - if you're enthusiastic about your wines, your staff will be too.