The denizens of France tend to have a habit of getting a bit militant when the Government propose something that they don't like the idea of. Any ruling implemented by Sarkozy and his crew that inhibits the freedom of the country tends to result in them getting their tractors and their lorries together and barricading every major route and port of entry, effectively strangling the politicians until they are forced to repeal whatever barmy law they've thought up this time.
As a result, they happily smoke in their bars without fear of repercussion.
In England, we have a horrible habit of whingeing about stuff rather than marching on Parliament like the French would. This means that our bananas have to be straight, we must weigh everything in metric and we now employ more scaffolders than any other country in Europe; I apparently need an expensive scaffolding structure just to change one of the lightbulbs at the front of my pub. God help us if prostitution is ever legalised.
It also means that smokers are no longer allowed to smoke in public places. And, most offensively it seems, in pubs.
Of course, the smokers want to whinge about it, but they aren't allowed to do so over a pint, and that's causing every body a bit of a headache. Smokers are now forced, against their will apparently, to stay at home with their significant others (and, quelle horreur, their children) rather than go to the pub to have a moan to the landlord about the state of the nation.
It's quite apparent, reading comments on this website and speaking regularly to smokers, that they aren't happy about it one little bit, and I can't really say I blame them. The trouble is, it's also apparent that so many smokers think it's actually the landlord's fault that they're not allowed to smoke in the pubs. "You didn't try hard enough," is a common line. "If you weren't so weak-minded, smoking would still be allowed."
If I could, I would happily let smokers back in to my pub - would welcome them with open arms. I wonder how many would walk in, though? Sure, there'd be a rush through the door because somebody would want to be the first person in the country to legally be allowed to smoke in pubs once again, and they'd stand there with a smug grin on their face and say "told you so." But, and I hate to say this, it isn't going to happen.
Because, to paraphrase Lily Allen, we all like to have a little whine and a moan, nothing's actually being done about it. The Government can hide behind the faceless anonymity of their petitions website, where so many people have instigated petitions against the smoking ban and the rising price of beer, because all they've got to do when the petition closes is send an e-mail out to all those who signed it, saying "we understand your concerns but, well, tough titties."
Meanwhile, the obsession with the smoking ban is reaching dizzy heights. Soon, somebody will actually rupture a spleen. Two years on and it's still the hot topic, but nobody seems to be doing anything about it. Except Tony Blows and Hamish Howitt, two gentlemen who have faced the smoking ban head on - and lost. Poor old Mr Blows has had to put his pub up for sale because the costs of losing his fight, not to mention his right to smoke in his pub, have left him devastated.
Non-smoking Howitt has yet again been dealt another blow in his fight against the ban, but I don't see an army of smokers blockading Downing Street in support of him. The "weak-minded" rest of us have not just put our heads down and ignored it, but we genuinely can't afford to take on the system. Speaking for myself, I've got a six-year-old and a nine-year-old to feed; a £17k bill would destroy me, and render my kids homeless. So I've had to get on with life and look at other ways to keep my business going - a fact that many people seem to vilify me for.
Those of us who have dared to speak out and say it is finally time to move on from the smoking ban have been shot down in flames for being naive and closed-minded, but I'd rather keep fighting to keep my business alive. I reckon I'll go out of business quicker just sitting around waiting for the ban to be repealed.
Our Government is pretty stubborn - and they know for a fact that we won't challenge them in the way the French would. In 2000, truckers attempted to blockade the motorways when fuel prices started to rise; they scored a minor victory. Last year, when fuel prices sky-rocketed, nothing happened. It is just not in our nature to argue with the powers that be.
Meanwhile, the distraction of the smoking ban is allowing other factors in the demise of the pub trade to go ahead without too much interference. Behind the shadow of smoking a rise in alcohol duty is on the cards, pub companies are strangling tenants with restrictive ties, Sky is pricing us out of the market in order to offer cheap sports packages to homes, and supermarkets are bludgeoning us with cheap alcohol deals. Even the weather is out to get us.
But while publicans are fighting on in the face of such adversity, trying to keep our traditional pubs alive, why don't the smokers stand up and help us instead of blaming us: grab your onions, gather together all the tractors you can muster, and strangle the country like Pierre and his mates would until you're allowed to smoke in pubs.
If you do that, I'll stand side-by-side with you. And I'll happily let you walk in to my pub, blow smoke in my face, and say "told you so."