The Guv'nor Bill Sharp

Thank goodness for all this lovely red tape

While reminding my staff about the importance of not serving alcohol to people who may be under the permitted age of 18, or allowing them to use the cigarette machine, I had a thought concerning the regulations and record-keeping requirements under which licensees attempt to operate their businesses nowadays.

These include CCTV (inside and in some cases outside your premises), water meters (to be told to give away as much as possible), electricity and gas meters, beer flo-meters, approved door security, Revenue & Customs inspections, visits from environmental health officers, fire inspectors, smoking-ban inspectors, wage inspectors, health and safety inspectors, race relations and immigration control inspectors, consumer-protection inspectors and pest-control inspectors, plus various certificates to prove we have been properly trained, not to mention electricity and gas certificates and all sorts of other paperwork.

In addition, we have the licensing authority and the police insisting we do things that are not contained in the Licensing Act 2003. All the above are aimed at making us more efficient and ensuring we are legal and politically correct, yet we still cannot get a Government-backed ID card to assist us in establishing the age of a punter visiting our premises — perhaps with the aim of catching us out in a sting operation.

I do wonder how I coped in years gone by without all these checks for keeping me on the straight and narrow available to my business — if it is still mine. I suppose since I have to pay for everything involved it must be mine with Big Brother as a silent partner — or is he? Funny old game, ain't it?