Chancellors before him have traditionally sipped from a glass of whiskey. I'm betting he'll refrain - to drive home the evils of the demon drink he's about to punitively tax. Then later tax, tax and tax again via an alcohol accelerator "for the health of the Nation".
Does binge drinking really exist? I don't think so. At least not on the dramatic scale the media and the Government would have us believe. If anything binge drinking has been on the decline these last few years - even more so since the smoking ban.
So why does public perception indicate we have a serious alcohol problem set to run out of control?
Because the Government have played us, as they've always done, through clever sleight of hand and manipulating the media who are only too keen to push the binge drinking myth. No, it's not a conspiracy theory. Just simple logic and elementary mathematics.
Our economy has been in a mess for some time. Forget all this talk of "if" there will be a recession. Technically we need two consecutive months of negative growth before it becomes official, but in all other respects it's already here and it started last summer with rapidly declining economic performance, soaring food & household bills, a stagnated property market and the first 'bank run' for 150 years.
Nu-Labour's ravenous client state is unsustainable without the economic growth we've come to rely on, growth that owes more to Thatcher's policies than the Blair/Brown double act. They inherited the goose that laid the golden egg then gradually starved it to death.
Like a student who's found his dad's gold card the Government has embarked on a suicidal borrowing spree. Last year the Treasury's net borrowing spiraled by over £11bn to £44bn, way above Darling's forecast of £38bn. We're deeper in hock than any other country in the developed world. Just paying the interest on the national debt will cost every household in Britain £1,300 this year - enough to fund a 10p cut in basic tax rates.
However the true damage of our Government's rampant spending doesn't even appear on the Treasury's balance sheets. Among a welter of crazy schemes top of the list comes nationalising Northern Rock. This face-saving £100bn gamble saddles us all with a second mortgage and threatens to ruin us.
Who in their right mind would buy a bankrupt building society at the beginning of a property slump? The taxpayer will be lucky to see 20p-in-the-pound back for this absurd 'investment'. Yet Brown stares icily into the camera and tries to convince us we've got a good deal.
In short they've lost all semblance of control over our economy and are purely driven by events. The Treasury is desperate for cash, OUR cash, with no feasible revenue-raising scheme considered off-limits.
The problem is they've already taxed everything even remotely related to prosperity to the point where it's nigh-on impossible to legally prosper in this country. Unless you happen to be extremely prosperous already, in which case you pay little or no tax. Ordinary hard-hit taxpayers cannot and will not take any more so-called 'stealth' taxes which directly assault their incomes.
They could always chop out waste and slash unnecessary spending but Nu-Labour appears to be incapable of such rational good housekeeping. When money is tight Labour Governments always resort to raising revenue through so-called 'sin taxes'. That way they can cry crocodile tears of reluctance because it's OUR fault. We MUST be taxed to save us from ourselves. That's alright then.
Top of the list comes fags. Few would weep and nicotine addicts will still cough up whatever the price. Only problem is that over-taxed ciggies directly equate to more smuggling, so longer term the Treasury actually loses money. There will be a token rise in baccy, around 10p per packet, but nothing dramatic.
Booze is a different matter. The Government is unaware and unconcerned with the dire problems currently faced by the hospitality industry. They still see pubs as cash cows ripe for milking.
And if we lose an entire section of traditional British pubs then all the better. Since Brown first consigned that original, tattered, red budget despatch case to the museum they've spent 11years eroding British culture and tradition. Why would they want to stop now?
I predict he'll start by putting 2p on a pint of beer. Not too bad you may think but that's just the beginning. Expect similar increases at every opportunity from here on. The knock-on effect through the long chain between farmer, brewer and drinker brings the £4 pint ominously close.
Stronger lagers and ciders will likely receive special treatment based on their ABV percentage. He'll talk supermarkets and under-aged drunks when he attacks alcopops but he'll be after a heftier slice of your 'trendy' drinks market, Bacardi Breezers, WKD and the like. Wine and spirits will be reserved for a more severe battering. Don't be surprised to see an extra 8p - 10p on a bottle of wine with as much as 40p on a bottle of spirit.
The other area of concern for pubs will be new 'green' taxes. God only knows what financial trickery can be achieved in this field but Joe Public has already been brainwashed into believing we'll have destroyed the planet within a few years. All you need to know is that this will cost you plenty, now and in times to come.
As the Government releases less cash to local authorities in compensation councils will be given carte blanche to dream up lunatic revenue raising projects of their own, with small businesses top of their hit list. Expect massive increases in licensing fees and anything else that can be levied upon. A 'smokers' tax on your outdoor areas, for example.
Whichever way you look at it this budget is going to hurt. It will squeeze your already hard-pressed business and drain disposable income from the pockets of your potential customers. Living in one of the world's most taxed countries it makes me gasp in wonder at the logistics of how they manage to waste and squander so many £££billions.
Look around at our schools, hospitals, roads and our joyless society and ask yourself - are we getting value for our money?