I JUST asked Brenda the barmaid if she knew where I could find the King of Nuts. She gave me a very funny look, and said she wouldn't be telling me if she did. She gets worse.
I was sure there was a box of dry roasted left in the cupboard, but they seem to have vanished. Back to the cash & carry this afternoon, I suppose. There seems to be plenty of new ideas to choose from, although it's an uphill struggle to interest most of our regulars in anything more exotic than a Nik Nak.
Salty Dog vegetable crisps
I've never been able to get very enthusiastic about root vegetables, but suddenly they're very trendy. I blame that Hugh Fearnley-Whatisname - that's not a proper job, is it? Salty Dog has launched two new varieties of all-natural, hand-cooked vegetable crisps - sweet potato with black pepper, and also lightly salted mixed vegetables, made with parsnips, beetroot, sweet potato and carrot.
Salty Dog 01296 622717 www.saltydog-grrr.com
Nobby's Nuts
Apparently, Nobby's coated nuts have reinvigorated the nut category. Fancy. The sweet chilli variety is favourite around here, and we've already ordered our new PoS so we can tell our customers that we've got the Best Ever Nobby's. That should pack 'em in.
Nobby's www.pepsico.co.uk
Funky Snacks
We used to have a DJ here who called himself Funky Phil - that's not what we called him though. I'm sure he'd have liked the new Funky Snack Company from Chaucer Foods - the first products include a range of bite-sized toasties. The sweet varieties are strawberry jam, cinnamon & raisin and marmalade, and the savoury alternatives are Worcestershire sauce, cheese & pickle and bacon & brown sauce. Lovely with a half of mild, I'd imagine.
Funky Snack Company
www.thefunkysnackcompany.co.uk
Fairfields Farm Crisps
Now, this is a proper crisp. Gourmet crisps from genuine East Anglian potato farmers Robert Strathern and Laura Gibson. The crisps are sliced with their skins on and hand-cooked in sunflower oil before purely natural flavours are added, including sea salt and Aspall cyder vinegar and Suffolk farmhouse cheese, chive and dill flavours. Strangely, no prawn cocktail though.
Fairfields Farm Crisps
01206 241613, www.fairfieldsfarmcrisps.co.uk
Mr Porky
Pork scratchings are still a favourite around here, but we've switched back to Mr Porky after that nasty business with a cheaper brand. You expect a bristle or two, but not a whole brushworth. With Mr Porky you get traditional scratchings, pork crackles, crunch and flavoured bacon bites. Yummy.
Red Mill 0121 5051500 www.mrporky.co.uk
Big D
Men are a bit sad really, aren't they? It's worrying how excited they get when we pin up the new Big D card with that Malene girl on it. We've got the new recipe chilli nuts up at the moment, and they're selling very well. Hard to say just how much of that is down to the flavour, and how much is down to Malene, though.
Big D 0151 5238700
Niku's Snacks
I've not eaten popcorn since my sister worked as an usherette at the Roxy. When she shone her torch, she saw things being done with a jumbo box of buttered you wouldn't believe. These new popcorn varieties would spice things up in row E - the two varieties are Bollywood Masalla and Mexican Masalla, and are inspired by fusion flavours from Asia and Latin America. They feature authentic ingredients such as jalapenos and spice mixes.
Niku's 07786 511766 www.nikus-snacks.co.uk
Burts
Who was it who said "when you're tired of potatoes, you're tired of life"? Probably that new drayman. Certainly not the people at Burts, who have moved beyond the humble spud to launch, you've guessed it, a root vegetable range. It includes hand-fried mixed root chips and hand-fried beetroot chips with horseradish. Both have LEAF Marque Accreditation, meaning the vegetables have been grown by farmers who look after the environment. Which makes sense - that's where they work.
Burts 08450 852220 www.burtschips.com
Nibblers anti pasti
Now this is something for our more sophisticated customers. Nibblers has launched a new range of Mediterranean anti pasti which includes sun dried cherry tomatoes, baby onions in balsamic vinegar, anchovies wrapped in sun dried tomatoes, chargrilled artichoke and halloumi, aromatic forest mushrooms, peppers filled with artichokes and peppadew peppers filled with pesto and cheese. I'll get a few in for the next darts match - that lot from the Coach & Horses are coming in, a well placed anti pasti should stop them banging on about their tapas.
Nibblers 01285 720923 www.nibblers.org.uk
Westlers
Apparently, Mexican food is the third largest growth sector after Chinese and Indian. I wouldn't have thought those big hats were practical in a busy kitchen, but what do I know? Westler Foods Bigmex Chips & Dips range is a more practical way to take advantage of the trend, now in an individual box with a 75g bag of original chips and one 70g pot of salsa dip. Arriba!
Westler Foods 0800 0276336
www.westlerfoods.com.
Real Chips vegetable chips
Funny, you wait ages for a parsnip chip and then loads come along at once. Is there an EU parsnip mountain somewhere? Welsh manufacturer Real Crisps has launched mixed vegetable chips, which include carrots, beetroot, parsnip and sweet potato lightly seasoned with sea salt, and parsnip chips with a seasoning of sea salt and crushed black pepper.
Real Crisps 01495 241960 www.realcrisps.com
Walkers Sensation Corn Chips
I see Charlotte Church is back on the telly, advertising Sensations Corn Chips. All dressed up in a corset and bustle, making a fool of that nice Gary Lineker. The Corn Chips are lovely, though, made with stoneground corn and seasoned with real ingredients blended with poppy seeds, and come in two flavours - sweet chilli & coriander and cream cheese & cracked black pepper. Gary can pop round here for a sharing bag whenever he likes.
Walkers Sensations www.pepsico.co.uk
The Hot Nut Company
Shouting 'hot nuts' across the bar never fails to raise a laugh. The eight varieties include salted cashews and spiced chilli peanuts, just the kind of flavour that might prompt customers to order a nice cold lager.
The Hot Nut Company 08456 520769
www.hotnutcompany.co.uk
Brakes fruit and nut snack bags
Something for the ladies and kiddies, bless them. Brakes has launched 12 new fruit and nut snack bags containing a range of superfoods - which have plenty of vitamins and minerals - as well as other fruits, nuts and seeds. I like the tropical fruit mix of raisins, pineapple, papaya and apricots. But I'll keep a few packs of Monster Munch handy just in case.
Brakes 0845 606 9090 www.brake.co.uk
Jonathan Crisp
If you've read this far, it will be no surprise to hear that Jonathan Crisp is very enthusiastic about its range of root vegetable crisps, which includes a parsnip as well as a beetroot, parsnip and sweet potato variety. More premium products are scheduled for launch in September, and we can only guess what they'll be digging up off the allotment and frying up next. Personally I like their standard crisps best - black pepper & ginger goes exceptionally well with a glass of merlot. Cheers!
Jonathan Crisp www.jonathancrisp.co.uk