Imagine the scene: a family is sitting round the dinner table. A bottle of wine or beer accompanies the evening meal, enjoyed by the parents and their child. The father pours a small taster of alcohol into a glass no bigger than an egg cup and offers it to the child.
Suddenly sirens blare, whistles shrill and floodlights burst into life. The door is kicked in and officers dressed in black and wearing badges emblazoned with the name Alcohol Patrol rush in, armed with guns and batons.
"You're under arrest!" they shout, pointing their weapons at the terrified parents. "You're offering alcohol to a minor who, thanks to your actions, may suffer brain damage and become an alcoholic in later life."
A second officer intones: "You have the right to remain sober but any alcohol consumed may be swallowed and used in evidence against you."
Fiction? A scene from Orwell's 1984? In fact, it is similar to the moment in the book when Winston Smith, on the run from Big Brother with his secret lover Julia, is betrayed to the thought police.
But it could become reality if the absurd busybodies that run Alcohol Concern get their way. Last week they published a report recommending that parents who offer alcohol should be prosecuted.
And, just to make the entire brain-busting suggestion clear, they are not talking about giving alcohol to minors in public places but in the privacy of people's homes.
Why, you may wonder, did the media give this twaddle such prominence? How could such a respected programme as Radio 4's Today actually choose to lead with this kind
of balderdash?
Unless you turn Britain into a police state, with cameras in every living room and paid informers on every street, it would be quite impossible to implement such proposals.
It is a typical ploy by Alcohol Concern. Over the years it has become adept at getting the media to run its wildly alarmist stories, often based on dodgy statistics, because they make good headlines and encourage contentious debates on radio and TV. Alcohol Concern knows its latest recommendations have no chance of being implemented. But the group has achieved its main and simple aim of bombarding people with the simple message: "Alcohol is a problem".
It wants education about alcohol in schools. So do I. The difference is that Alcohol Concern would preach a negative attitude - that alcohol is harmful - while I would tell a different story: that alcohol consumed carefully is beneficial and part of a healthy life style.
The Alcohol Concern report came one day after a study showed that serious assaults had fallen since relaxed licensing laws were introduced. The study was made by Cardiff University's violence research group, whose director is Professor Jonathan Shepherd. In others words, this was - pardon the pun - a sober assessment by university specialists.
The study was given far less attention by the media as it didn't fit with the hysterical claims made last year that "24-hour drinking" would herald the end of civilised society.
Those of us who stood firm against the rantings of the Daily Mail knew from experience that flexible licensing hours should reduce the problems of late-night punch-ups in town and city centres. Alcohol Concern has succeeded in burying the good news by once again portraying drink as a demon to be purged from our lives and homes.
There is one remarkable gap in its report: there is no mention of supermarkets. While parents who sensibly introduce their children to alcohol are to be harried and prosecuted, no sanctions are recommended for supermarkets that sell beer cheaper than bottled water.
It is well known that adults will buy cheap booze in supermarkets and pass it on to underage drinkers waiting outside. Alcohol Concern is not worried about this. It aims all its bullets at those who wish to gently lead their children into the pleasures of drinking in the privacy of their homes.
There is often beer or wine on my dining table. My teenage sons are welcome to sample in moderation. I await the midnight knock on the door and my incarceration in the nearest penal colony while those peddling cheap alcohol go free.