It's the last chance saloon for a judicial review of the smoking ban, says Phil Dixon
The man was down to his last bullet. He looked across at his loved ones, soon to be subjected to the worst indignities that a human being can endure. A menacing few yards away the heathen hostiles prepared for their last attack and then, it came from nowhere - a distant bugle call. It was always the same sound clip whatever the film. Obviously a generic bugle? The Indians used to run away and the cavalry saved the day. In terms of the English smoking ban, the cavalry - a judicial review - better get saddled up.
Does anyone really think there is a closet drug-smoking, cross-dressing judge, recently passed over in the honours list, who drives a 4x4, has a secret Iraqi mistress and would just love to cock a snook at the Government?
Well, probably yes, so I'll avoid prejudicing
the judiciary.
Why would Government not allow the sector to self-regulate? More and more outlets were responding to consumer requirements and becoming non-smoking every week.
Viva Espanol!
The only country which has been successful at lobbying Government is Spain. There, if you are smaller than 100sq m you have a choice of smoking or not (with appropriate signage). Over 100sq m you must have a bespoke No Smoking area. Outside areas (even including four-sided enclosed spaces) are not restricted. But our Department of Health says the Spanish legislation would have little or no effect on the health of the nation or hospitality sector workers.
Time for some in-depth investigation to the Costa Blanca. In the interest of truth, freedom and the Yorkshire way I trawled the bars of Alicante, Denia, Xabia, historical Xativa, Alcoi and with a fear of the unknown and sticky cabaret artists visited the cultural 'Mecca' that is Benidorm.
How many of the bars under 100sq m were No Smoking? I did not find one. So perhaps our health officials have a point.
Many of us dream of relaxing in our twilight years in sunnier climes. There is, though, something disconcerting about the type of patriot you meet in an expat bar.
Essex man speaks
"Engerland ain't what it used to be, mate," the gentleman formally of Braintree with the 'Lampard' shirt informed me.
"In what way?" I enquired.
"The bloody immigrants coming over to scrounge. They don't respect our culture - can't even be a***d to learn the language."
"What do you do here?"
"A bit of this and that - as long as it's cash."
"Have you been to Granada?"
"I use to rent a telly but now I've got one of them plasmas."
"No, I mean the place with the historic Alhambra palace."
"Alhambra? No mate, not for years - used to go Saturdays for the kids' matinee though."
"Habla Espanyol?"
"No mate, you don't need to around here. Everyone speaks English."
phildixoncmbii@aol.com
St Jordi's Day
I have long been a supporter of celebrating St George on 23 April. Wells & Young's has rightly has received plaudits for its unswerving determination to make it happen.
I have only one slight reservation, which stems from being sat next to someone from an organisation with St George in its title many years ago.
Within seconds, I began to detect a view that the biggest disaster of the 20th century was our failure to take Rudolf Hess seriously, ally with Adolf Hitler and reinvade the Soviet Union.
Alfred the Great - he of the cakes who reigned from 871-99 - is credited with first using the term 'Angelcynn' (the land of the English folk) but it would be another century before Englaland appeared.
By the 10th century our Englaland was a real mish-mash of peoples. Celts, Romans, the odd Pict and Scot from over the border, together with the Irish, Norwegians, Danes, Frisians from the Netherlands, (Willibrord of Northumberland had established his Cathedral at Utrecht in 695 AD) and the Angles, Saxons and Jutes from northern Germany and southern Denmark who invaded and settled in most of the south and east. We were at the birth of our 'English' nation, a multicultural people.
As for St George, he is not just our saint.
He is revered in the Eastern Orthodox Church. Born in what is now eastern Turkey he served in the Roman army and was martyred by the Emperor Diocletian in 303AD (23 April).
St George is also patron saint of
Ethiopia, Georgia, Serbia, Greece, Montenegro, Catalonia, Canada and the cities of Moscow, Ljubljana and Genoa among others.
St George's Day is even a national holiday in Bulgaria. Many historians cite 1190 as the year we English began to fly the flag paying tribute to the Genoese for the privilege of using it. This ensured protection by the Genoese navy for our ships in the Mediterranean. The Synod of Oxford adopted him as our saint in 1222 and the flag was made official in 1277.
The Football connection
Question: Two teams contested a European Cup Final in the 1990s. Both wore the flag of St George on their shirts. Who were they?
Answer: 1992 Barcelona v Sampdoria
(suburb of Genoa).
On St Jordi's day Barcelona comes alive, the flag is everywhere and gifts (books and flowers/roses) are exchanged.
So come 23 April when we are tucking into our national dish - chicken tikka masala - let us not forget the words of the late great Bob Marley: "If you know your history then you know where you coming from" (Buffalo Soldier, 1984).