Intimidated by convoluted menus? Richard Fox looks at easy food ideas for licensees with limited resources.
When it comes to making money in any capacity, play to the most basic level of human instincts, and you won't go wrong.
That's not to say you should contemplate turning your pub into some flamboyant
bordello - but simply that basic instincts apply to our eating habits, too.
There are certain gastronomic rituals we observe at any level of the dining experience. What habit are you drawn to when faced with a cup of tea and a biscuit? What about a bowl of soup and a roll? And what is the fundamental principle of fondue?
You see, when it comes to eating, we are a race of dippers and dunkers - maybe it's a sexual thing, but at least you won't lose your licence or go to prison for it.
And the good news for the no-food licensee is that dips are so easy, you could train your dog to make them (environmental health issues aside). All you need is one item of culinary equipment - a food processor.
It takes up about as much space as a large kettle, and while it may be a little pricier, a decent one will last you for years.
I've got the Magimix 3100, probably the best kitchen equipment investment I ever made, and at about £250, a damn site cheaper than installing a kitchen or a chef.
Even the most resistant and reluctant cook can get in a spot of quick and stress-free dip-making with one of these machines. Giving it a dash of this and a splash of that, you'll be like a turbo-charged Jamie Oliver, constantly coming up with plenty of new, improved and innovative recipes.
As far as accompaniments go, anything from a bowl of nachos to batons of veg will do the job. The humblest raw carrot can be turned into a tasty delicacy when coated in a thick layer of pureéd avocado - which brings me on to the daddy of all dips: guacamole.
Choose good ripe avocados (slightly yielding when pressed). Peel and remove stones, then put the avocados in the processor with a little lime juice - this stops discolouration as well as enhancing flavour - and add salt and pepper and a dash of Tabasco.
I prefer to use the processor's pulse function rather than blitz the ingredients to a pureé, as pulsing gives more texture. Other ingredients can be added, such as de-seeded chopped tomato, fine-chopped spring onions and crushed garlic. This is where the joy of making a house speciality comes into play.
BBQ dips really allow for creativity. In fact, you could create something special just by raiding your kitchen condiment cupboard.
Try equal slugs of ketchup and brown sauce, a tin of baked beans, Tabasco again for piquancy, and finally a splash of beef stock for extra flavour and thinner consistency.
One final tip: don't forget to write down the measurements - otherwise, delegation will not be an option and you'll be stuck as the sole chef for the rest of your licensing days.