This week I have been at war with the utility companies. Their methods are a matter of historical record but this is compounded by the complex barrier they place between us them - the wonderful "automated telephone system".
On dialing a number you are given a variety of options. If you are lucky, one will correspond with a department you might wish to talk to. Choose an option and if you are even luckier there will be a ringing tone. If you are unlucky you will either be given another set of options or you will be given a horrible rendition of Vivaldi's Four Seasons.
Often the call will be interrupted by a female voice saying "Your call is important to us". No it isn't. Otherwise you'd have answered it.
The other message says regretfully "We are experiencing unusually high call volumes". No you aren't. I rang on Tuesday and waited ten minutes. I rang on Wednesday and waited twelve. I rang on Thursday and waited eight. Be honest - there is nothing "unusual" about the call volumes. I always have to wait.
Why can't they have a simple recorded message that says "sorry you have to wait but we cannot be bothered to employ enough staff to deal with you".
But I have discovered a solution. The other day I wanted to complain about something. I experienced the usual telephone messages and pressed the button for "sales". Genius. It was answered in seconds.
I asked the salesman "What are the benefits of joining your company?" He started to give me a long list at which point I interrupted and said "I'm sorry. You misunderstand. I am already a customer of yours but I cannot think why and need to be reminded of the benefits".
After that he was very helpful…………..