Where would we be without being emboldened by the effects of alcohol into making moves which we otherwise would be too timid to contemplate? And where would art and literature be without it? Ben McFarland extols the virtues of alcohol on all aspects of life.
With the drinks industry on a bond of good behaviour, it's understandable that it's so far taken pompous condemnation from the likes of the Daily Mail on the chin.
But surely it's about time it fought back. Drinking is great. There. It's been said. And I don't see why the pub and drinks trade can't say it too.
Don't get me wrong. There's nothing funny about pint-fuelled city-centre fisticuffs or alcohol-related disease; drink driving is a brainless thing to do and binge boozing is neither big nor clever.
But, let's face it, life would be a lot more tedious without drinking nudging it along. Without a pint or a glass of wine to lighten the load, the rich tapestry of one's existence would be more like a bargain-bucket rug from Allied Carpets.
Think of the most memorable, exciting and remarkable events in your life and I bet alcohol will have played at least a cameo role, if not a star-studded one in them. Whether it's weddings or wakes, a birthday or a Bar Mitzvah, booze is always a very welcome guest. It makes tedious talk compelling, it turns strangers into soulmates, it makes mundane music sound really good and it renders worries less, well, worrying.
Imbibing is both a heady aphrodisiac in love and a powerful weapon in war. James Bond would never have been as successful at foiling dastardly plans for global domination nor as prolific with the ladies had he been sipping an apple and mango J20 rather than a Martini now would he?
In the pursuit of love, drink not only gives you the bottle to approach an amorous prospect but also helps to cope with the likely rejection or, later down the line, a messy break-up. It makes clear your desires, whether that be a good looker across the bar or a packet of pork scratchings.
That beauty is in the eye of the beerholder may lead to hanky-panky horrors, red-faced regret and self-loathing, but it has also helped create many a long-lasting and loving relationship - the kind even the Daily Mail would undoubtedly approve of.
If truth is the first casualty of war then abstinence must come a close second. Soldiers from Holland drank gin for "Dutch Courage" before having a scrap in the Thirty Years War, British sailors were forever soaked in rum and Jack Charlton and Billy Bremner were known to incorporate a few drams into their pre-match routine at Leeds United in the 70s.
Another role alcohol plays perfectly is as a most excellent and eager collaborator of any outlandish ideas one might have. Michael Chan, a renowned American artist, wrote: "Drinking blows my brains out. It blows out all the crap in my head and allows new and better ideas to seep in." And Louis Pasteur, who knew a thing or two, once claimed: "There is more philosophy in a bottle of wine than there is in all the books in the world."
Without booze, the world would have been robbed of the words of Hemingway, the witticisms of Wilde, the doodlings of Van Gogh and Oliver Reed's rendition of "Wild Thing" on Wogan.
In short, drinking is as life-enhancing and joyful as it is naughty and wicked.
Those who argue otherwise need only be reminded that the first alcohol producers were monks and they're very nice chaps. It's their job. And what's more they've a direct line to the Big Man. So, if drinking is OK with him then, frankly, it should be OK with the Daily Mail.