They say size doesn't matter, which makes licensee Geraldine Griffiths' anger at Monmouthshire County Council all the easier to understand.
In yet another example of bureaucracy gone mad, planners at the Welsh council could blight the 600-year-old Cross Keys in the town of Usk, for the sake of 5mm - less than one-fifth of an inch.
The red tape warriors insist that they have to relocate a pedestrian crossing directly outside the pub because its current location suffers from a pavement which is just 5mm too narrow.
The pub's owner Mrs Griffiths, along with 1,400 regulars, residents and visitors, have signed a petition.
They believe the crossing's current location, just along the street between a 20th century bank and post office, is ideal.
However, Monmouthshire's by-the-book planners want to upgrade the current zebra crossing to a puffin format, and say the pavement on one side of the existing location is 5mm short of the regulation minimum.
"I couldn't believe it when I read the letter," said Mrs Griffiths. "It's red tape gone mad. The council has even criticised a drawing we sent to support our objection as 'inaccurate' - and we copied it from its official plan."
The puffin crossing design includes flashing lights and a beeper which would be right outside the windows of guest rooms at the pub. It will require zig-zag lines painted in the road outside the Cross Keys which will make deliveries difficult because barrels would have to be rolled along the street.
It will also mean removing an impressive display of flower tubs which make the Cross Keys one of the most attractive sights in the village.
In a further twist, the petition has been stolen from the bar of the Cross Keys. However, the rallying exercise to recreate it has brought support for the pub in the town to even higher levels.
Mrs Griffiths, who has worked at the pub for 11 years and owned it since her parents retired two years ago, is taking further legal advice.
A spokesman for Monmouthshire council said: "We are confident that the proposed siting is the safest option for pedestrians and motorists."
Pictured: Geraldine Griffiths at the site of the current crossing where the pavement is 5mm too narrow.